About

Our belief in the Invisible Pink Unicorn (bless his holy hooves) is scientific. Because the universe is infinite, with innumerable planets and galaxies stretching out into infinity, this must mean that there HAS to be an Invisible Pink Unicorn (bhhh) out there. I mean just think of the odds. If the idea of an Invisible Pink Unicorn (bhhh) has reached even us here on Earth, then odds dictate it must be elsewhere! Compare the similarities:

Facts About the Invisible Pink Unicorn

Facts About Aliens

The Invisible Pink Unicorn (bhhh, IPU for short) is right here, among us. He wants good things for us, but he also wants to gore self-important engineers. They’re annoying.

Evidence: None

“[The aliens] are here right now, among us… They want to help us, but the problem is that we don’t know what to ask of them once a contact is established.”

Lachezar Filipov, deputy director of the Space Research Institute of the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences.

Evidence: None

There are untold billions of planets in the universe. Because unicorns exist in folklore here, they must live in some form on some alien world. The numbers alone make thinking about the IPU (bhhh) perfectly rational.

Evidence: None

“To my mathematical brain, the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational… If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn out well for the Native Americans…”

Stephen Hawking, theoretical physicist and applied mathematician, winner of the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Atheist.

Evidence: None

Since belief in the IPU (bhhh) is perfectly rational, and since he is obviously a vast intelligence, we suspect that his color is something we can’t conceive, which is why he can be both pink and invisible at the same time.

Evidence: None

“I suspect there could be life and intelligence out there in forms we can’t conceive…”

Lord Rees, cosmologist and astrophysicist. Self described “non-believing Christian”.

Evidence: None

Perhaps the IPU (bhhh) likes pineapple and ham pizza. Maybe he’s gained the ability to pick out the mushrooms, because mushrooms are a fungus, after all.

Evidence: None

“Perhaps…they can ‘see’ or ‘feel’ the entire universe. Maybe they’ve gained the ability to manipulate elementary particles and can control its evolution and its fate. They would have become, by any human definition, gods.”

Randy D. Allen, Ph.D., Department of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, Oklahoma State University.

Evidence: None

We imagine that the IPU (bhhh) is responsible for putting holes in all our socks. That’s what the horn is for. Also, the fact that many white socks come out of the wash pink is evidence of his pinkness.

Evidence: None

“I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet.”

Stephen Hawking, theoretical physicist and applied mathematician, winner of the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Atheist.

Evidence: None

Let’s call it the “horny” explanation. We suspect that the IPU’s (bhhh) horn was used to whip the whole universe into existence, because it is big and sharp and pointy.

Evidence: None

“Let’s call it the ET explanation…I suspect that on other planets there probably are beings, as I said before, which are so far advanced relative to us that they might as well be gods…”

Richard Dawkins, evolutionary biologist. Atheist.

Evidence: None

The horn would pierce space ripping a hole in time. Out of this hole would come some sort of trans-dimensional-time-matter which would collide with the IPU’s (bhhh) pinkness and react in such a way as to generate life, which would be molded by the IPU (bhhh).

Evidence: None

The spaceship would carry large samples of a number of microorganisms… A payload of 1,000 kg might be made up of 10 samples each containing 10¹⁶ microorganisms, or 100 samples of 10¹⁵ microorganisms… Life on Earth would represent a clone derived from a single set of organisms.”

Francis Crick, Nobel Prize winning molecular biologist, physicist and neuroscientist. Co-discoverer of the DNA molecule. Atheist.

Evidence: None

Maybe our horses contain within them strains of matter that are genetic messages from the IPU (bhhh). After all, since horses are similar to unicorns, they must be related. Horses must be his way of communicating with us.

Evidence: None

“Maybe [our DNA] contains and has contained since the beginning of evolution recorded messages—interactive recorded information—from our makers, waiting for…a creature that would be able to understand and decode them.”

Graham Hancock, journalist, describing a theory held by Francis Crick.

Evidence: None